why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
