I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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