you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
