I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize