So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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