i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
