woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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