You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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