no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
