so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
