Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
