dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
