I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
