I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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