I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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