I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
These tits shall not be calmed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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