but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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