you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize