my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
