i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
