Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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