I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
