i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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