i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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