i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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