we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
