Someone shit on the floor
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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