Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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