Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will pee on everything he values.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
