Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
