it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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