respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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