Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
