Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
