I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
