I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i have two assholes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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