How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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