just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
