I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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