worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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