I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
