Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize