She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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