I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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