We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
