Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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