oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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