I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
