STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
