im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
