I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
