Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
