he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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