it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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