VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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