He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
