Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
