if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
