my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
