Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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