closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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