i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
