Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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