Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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