the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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